irritatedandroid (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
irritatedandroid) wrote2019-01-07 08:51 pm
irritatedandroid) wrote2019-01-07 08:51 pm
Entry tags:
The Path to Self Discovery Isn’t Simple
This is a slightly more odd and personal entry than I've posted before, but here's a look into my mind and some questioning I've been caught in.
So, I've been going hard on questioning this Alolan Marowak kintype for about over 2 years now (man, October 2016). Ramping up the intensity of the self-grilling the more I figure out about it. I've questioned nearly everything I could think of that would be similar to the slightly-anthropomorphic reptilian phantom body, territorial and warring traits, fire inclination, and weird diet I experience that I could think of, including dragons, various earth lizards, salamanders (fire faeries/elemental spirits), etc.
And what I'm caught on now is wondering if I did fabricate this mentally, due to childhood trauma and a need to hide. I very well could have, my interest in the Pokemon franchise is far from quiet. However it leads me to wonder why I would have imprinted and taken on the identity of a Pokemon I've always been vaguely uncomfortable with, instead of one I've always loved that is similar like a Charizard or Salamence. And if my stronger obsession with the franchise Zoids has any influence, why would I have formed the identities of an Android and a dinosaur-like reptilian Pokemon, and not simply been a Zoid like Rev Raptor - which I was far more obsessed with at the age than any Pokemon.
So I guess that's a progress update on where I am in questioning, before I give my mind a break to focus elsewhere. Questioning is a long journey, especially when dealing with the odd shit of the mind and identity.
-Jasper
So, I've been going hard on questioning this Alolan Marowak kintype for about over 2 years now (man, October 2016). Ramping up the intensity of the self-grilling the more I figure out about it. I've questioned nearly everything I could think of that would be similar to the slightly-anthropomorphic reptilian phantom body, territorial and warring traits, fire inclination, and weird diet I experience that I could think of, including dragons, various earth lizards, salamanders (fire faeries/elemental spirits), etc.
And what I'm caught on now is wondering if I did fabricate this mentally, due to childhood trauma and a need to hide. I very well could have, my interest in the Pokemon franchise is far from quiet. However it leads me to wonder why I would have imprinted and taken on the identity of a Pokemon I've always been vaguely uncomfortable with, instead of one I've always loved that is similar like a Charizard or Salamence. And if my stronger obsession with the franchise Zoids has any influence, why would I have formed the identities of an Android and a dinosaur-like reptilian Pokemon, and not simply been a Zoid like Rev Raptor - which I was far more obsessed with at the age than any Pokemon.
So I guess that's a progress update on where I am in questioning, before I give my mind a break to focus elsewhere. Questioning is a long journey, especially when dealing with the odd shit of the mind and identity.
-Jasper